Happy New Year?


POSTED ON SUNDAY, JANUARY 1, 2012 AT 12:01 AM

I haven't had much time to update our blog since November 25th, 2011. I got sick with the flu. And I mean really sick. This strain must have originated from outer space. It made me so violently ill at one point that I actually ended up in the emergency ward inside of a CT Scanner one not-so-fine morning shortly after Christmas. Where are these flu bugs coming from? Killer viruses from Planet X? A sign of the times?

The more I think about it, the more I believe that this must have originated from the "mystery meteorite" which landed on the outskirts of North Vancouver in November of 2011 (just kidding but more about that meteorite which lit up our courtyard in a future article — maybe it was actually another UFO crash). Regardless, I hope you all had a great holiday season and I hope you all managed to avoid the Andromeda Strain which we were unlucky enough to get.

Before we get to the heart of our post, please be sure to note the new phone number for MW Web Design. In favor of dumping our landline and going mobile, we switched networks on December 3rd, 2011. We were assured that our existing phone number would work with our new service provider. Not. Our voicemail still isn't even working properly and we apologize for the inconvenience. The wonders of upgrading to a not-so-smartphone. 'Gotta love all this new technology which is supposed to make our lives so much easier.

Okay — enough doom and gloom (well, maybe not). We're going to start the new year off with a "bang" and do something really different. So what else is new? We're going to take a look at some of the predictions for 2012 which have been floating around on the Internet. These are not our own predictions — they're just a random collection of predictions sampled from the Internet (most of which we're very interested in) with our own comments added below. A few of them came from a late night talk show we listened to for a couple of nights over the holidays.

Predictions From The Dark Side


Nuclear Strike On North Korea Brings The World To An End In March Of 2012

This comes from a fairly well-known "seer" who called into the radio show we were listening to on New Year's Eve. Remember May 21st, 2011? Hey, the Bible guaranteed it! Well, the world is still here even though Kim Jong-il is six feet under (band plays, crowd cheers) while his 28-year old son, Kim Jong-un takes control of the "democracy's" nuclear arsenal. Not much different than handing out books of matches and cans of gasoline to a living room full of toddlers celebrating a birthday party. Don't you just love those phony "mourners" North Korea keeps showing on television? Man, I feel sorry for those people. I'd be mourning, too, if I had a gun held to my head in front of a camera while being forced to cry. Dear Leader, my arce. As long as China can keep the new "Supreme Dictator" pacified with plenty of John Wayne movies in 2012, no further comment.

Click on the image above for a larger view of Kim Jong-il doing his infamous Elvis impersonation shortly before dying of a heart attack

The World Will End On December 21st, 2012

This isn't a new one by any means. Ancient Mayan literature tells us that the fourth world will reach the end of its 13th b'ak'tun on December 21st, 2012 (the Mayan date of 13.0.0.0.0). It's better known as The Apocalypse. I'll have to admit that this one has me really worried (seriously). Something is definitely going to happen. It's not just a prediction, it's become more of a prophecy. A geomagnetic reversal? An alien invasion? The Nibiru collision? Massive solar storms? Nuclear war? Just make sure all of your Christmas shopping is done by December 20th, 2012. Gather your family together on the evening of the 20th, sit in front of your Christmas tree, open your gifts five days earlier than usual and say lots of Our Father's.

Jesus Christ Will Appear On Television

Every year, we hear this one. Yes, folks — Jesus Christ will appear on the Late Show with David Letterman sometime in August. He'll be playing an Epiphone Slash Les Paul Goldtop alongside Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra. The band will be playing Hey Jude. David Letterman will rise from his desk and levitate to the top of the studio vanishing through the roof while the television audience gets down on their knees to recite the Hail Mary. If you can believe this one, you'll believe anything.

A Massive Earthquake Will Hit North America's West Coast

California tumbles into the sea... I'd say we're long overdue for this once-a-year prediction which always seems to make the top ten. Even Nostradamus seems to think that there will be a massive earthquake this year — he wrote about it in Century 2 Quatrain 52. Maybe this is the one he was referring to. Educate yourself about what to do in the event of an earthquake. Have your disaster supply kit ready and head for the hills. Run, run, run. There won't be much left of Vancouver after the big one hits (I'm glad we don't live out in Richmond). Magnitude 9.0 or greater? Well, we've got 366 days left to find out (not 365 days — remember that 2012 is a leap year).

Osama Bin Laden Will Be Spotted In A New York Subway

Cries of conspiracy will flood the Internet within minutes as he is quickly whisked away to safety by FBI agents. Social networking sites will crash from server overload. Photos and videos will begin surfacing absolutely everywhere. Are they fake or are they real? The United States of America will never live this one down. Why didn't Obama agree to release photos after Bin Laden was supposedly killed? You know something — I have a tendency to actually believe that this could very well happen. Shades of JFK and Elvis. Maybe Kim Jong-il will be spotted along with him. By the way — why are the names Osama and Obama so similar?

War In The Middle East

Just hang on a second here. It seems to me that there's a war going on somewhere in the Middle East every time I turn on the 6 o'clock news. Hmmm... The prediction went something like this: Israel attacks Iran's nuclear facilities and a nuclear exchange takes place. It's no secret that Israel has nuclear weapons. And Iran is already exercising their "military might" in the Strait of Hormuz as I write this (a mere 10 days after US troops pulled out of Iraq). Although Iran has signed treaties denying the possession of (and the intent to produce) weapons of mass destruction, it seems like they're awfully determined to build a nuclear bomb and I wouldn't doubt for a moment that they'll do just what North Korea did in 2006 and test one this year. Every country in the Middle East wants a nuke. Let's see — Russia backs Iran and the United States of America backs Israel. This sets the stage for one heck of a showdown. Let's just hope that this prediction isn't the Armageddon written about in the Bible where Gog and Magog decide to "have a go". Russia has often been interpreted as being Gog and who do you think Magog is?

Predictions From The Lighter Side


The Vancouver Canucks Will Win The 2012 Stanley Cup

Nope. The Canucks let us down real bad last year. After 40 years of waiting, it's just not going to happen. In fact, I'd be surprised if the Canucks ever win a Stanley Cup. Do I still cheer for them? Yes. Of course I do. But why on earth do they always play so well in the first period and then decide to fall asleep in the second and third periods? Fire Luongo. Fire Vigneault. Shoot the referee. Whatever. The San Jose Sharks will win this year's Stanley Cup (as much as I can't stand them). I will make just one prediction for the new year, however — when the Canucks play the Chicago Blackhawks on January 31st here in Vancouver, the jaw of Dave Bolland will be dislocated.

Click on the image above for a larger view of Larry Marleau, Moe Thornton and Curley Niemi of The San Jose Sharks

The Price Of Gold Will Exceed $2,000.00 In 2012

Don't sell your wedding rings just yet! Unless you're really mad at your husband or your wife. Gold prices rallied to an all-time high of above $1,900.00 per ounce on the morning of August 23rd, 2011. Many sources on the Internet claim that the price of gold may even double in 2012. Damn. Why does everything around me have to be silver instead of gold?

No More Mama Burgers In 2012

My favorite fast food joint — the A & W — is expected to disappear in 2012. The same outfit which is predicting this great loss to mankind also predicted that Blockbuster would go out of business last year (which they did). Man, I'm gonna miss them onion rings, that frothy root beer and those yummy-burgers. The pain wouldn't be half as bad if Kentucky Fried Buzzard was destined to close up shop instead of the A & W (sorry about that, Colonel).

Boston Will Release Its First Studio Album In 10 Years

At the speed Tom Scholz works at, I wouldn't count on seeing another Boston album until 2020. It took Boston eight years to release Third Stage (the follow up album to Don't Look Back which was released way back in 1978). It took another eight years for the band to release Walk On in 1994. And then it took another eight years to release Corporate America in 2002. And then...

Apple Will Introduce A Flat Screen Television

Finally, a rumor of worthy mention — this one has been circulating for months. Watch for 32-inch and 37-inch HDTV's from Apple by the end of 2012. If the rumors are correct, a high-end 50-inch "Smart TV" with Siri integration may also be introduced in time for Christmas of 2012, allowing users to control the HDTV with their voice. Rumors of an Apple television got started after the release of Walter Isaacson's book, Steve Jobs in which Jobs was quoted as saying "it will have the simplest user interface you could imagine." Isaacson went on to write "Jobs wanted to do for television sets what he had done for computers, music players and phones — make them simple and elegant." Cool.

The new 50-inch flat screen Apple HDTV (Cable News Network not included)

[Updated 08.16.12] Perhaps it's not an HDTV after all. Apple is apparently in talks with CATV operators to use an Apple TV device as a set-top-box. Who knows? With only 127 days left to go before the world ends, let's hope we find out soon!

WordPress Forces Traditional Web Design Companies To Close Their Doors

Millions and millions of people around the world decide to "do it themselves" and build their own website using WordPress in order to save money. One billion website design companies go out of business. It's no different than all the video stores being forced to close one after another because of Nutflex. Shortly afterward, over 90% of these do-it-yourself websites are either hacked or become infected with viruses. Hey — what kind of #@*%!! prediction is this? This has already happened, folks.

Conclusion


These are all "real" predictions and rumors for 2012. It looks like we're in for another exciting year. Anyone planning on building an underground bunker or a fallout shelter in the next six months? Maybe some of you are delaying that flat screen television purchase until Apple's HDTV comes out at the end of the year...

One final word from our cat, Mister Bo — click here to view it. This has got to be the most priceless photo I've ever taken of one of our pets.

Sorry if this post was a little on the crazy side. Blame it on the antibiotics they gave me at the hospital (or maybe it's the acidophilus). Happy New Year!

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